Vivamus atque amemus
by Mibamonster
Summary: At Sonya's wedding, Sydney and Adrian have a heart-to-heart. Sydrian, inspired by poem V by Catullus. Oneshot.


_Vivamus atque amemus_

"_Let us live, my Lesbia, and love, and value at one farthing the talk of crabbed old men…" _Catullus, V

Even in the soft light of a Court bathroom, the face staring back at me from the mirror looked haggard. I was exhausted and no make-up could cover the bags underneath my eyes, or my constant paleness.

I washed my hands and reapplied my lipstick. The smile I practiced in the mirror looked fake, but it was the best I could do for now. Clutching my bag, I went back to the wedding reception.

The room full of Moroi and dhampirs didn't upset me as it once might have, which was exactly why I was here. The Alchemists wanted information on the Moroi court and who was more suited for that than someone who had been invited already? That, coupled with the fact that my charges were here as well, meant I was the lucky one who could write a report on Sonya's wedding. Much as I'd sought for something worthwhile to tell them, it was just a wedding. An extravagant one filled with vampires – but a wedding.

My eyes wandered around, searching for someone I knew. Eddie and Rose were standing not too far away, both looking smart in their guardian attire. At the other side of the room, Angeline sat in a chair, yawning. Next to her was Jill, staring at the dancers, with a vacant expression. Unlike the other guests, they weren't used to a nocturnal schedule anymore and it was already half six in the morning.

As I watched Jill, Adrian came up to her. He bowed and held out his arm. She giggled and looked around nervously, saying something I couldn't hear. A couple of seconds later, she got up and followed Adrian to the dance floor, where she placed one hand in his, and the other on his shoulder. Her gaze was fixed to her feet while Adrian guided her through the dance.

I tightened my hold on my bag. I'd evaded Adrian as much as possible since we'd kissed a month ago, but the sight of him always made my heart ache. I wondered what it would be like to go up to them and ask if I could have the next dance, to rest my head against Adrian's shoulder the way Jill was doing now.

My mind drifted off to that one kiss, the way it often did nowadays. Ever since, things had been awkward between Adrian and me, but I couldn't find it in me to regret the kiss. It had been confusing and strange and forbidden, but most of all it had been so _right_. Not that it mattered – chances of it recurring were next to nil, and that was good. I shouldn't kiss vampires, regardless of how much I wanted to.

_Stop thinking like this_, I told myself. _It's not going to happen, Sydney. Stop thinking about him. And for God's sake, stop staring stop staring _stop staring_! _

I grabbed a glass of orange juice and headed for the balcony, trying to clear my mind. Looking out over the Court's vast grounds, I couldn't help but think that this wouldn't be a bad place to live, if it weren't for the vampires. It would be best not to put that in my report, though – no need to worry the Alchemists.

A cold gust of wind brought goose bumps to my arms, but I didn't go back inside. I leaned on the balustrade and wondered when I could get to bed and stop this charade.

"For someone attending a wedding, you look remarkably unhappy."

I glanced aside. Adrian was leaning with his back against the railing, looking devastatingly handsome in his tux, although his bow tie wasn't tied properly. I repressed the urge to reach up and re-knot it.

"I'm not unhappy," I said, averting my eyes.

"You've got a funny way of showing that."

I didn't reply to that. For a while we were both silent and I thought he'd gone away, when he said, "Sage? Are you okay?"

"Of course I am. One big, bulking pile of happiness here, isn't that obvious?" The tremor in my voice took out a lot of the intended harshness. I let out a deep sigh. "Adrian, why are you here?"

"Because Sonya invited me?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "I mean here. On the balcony. Talking to me, like…"

"Like I care about you and you looked about ready to throw yourself over the railing?" He moved a bit closer to me, and I could smell his cologne. It made my head swim from the memories it conjured. "If you want me to go, I will. I just… I saw you, inside, and I thought you might…" He shrugged, searching for words. "I thought you might like someone to talk to."

"About what?" I said. "Adrian, I really appreciate it that you're trying to help, but you're the problem, not the solution. And talking to you is only going to make things worse." _Or better_, I thought. I swallowed, trying to fight off the feeling of belonging I always felt near Adrian.

"Sage, I…" He hesitated and then lightly touched my hand with his. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have – Sage?"

I blinked furiously against the unwelcome tears. "I'm fine," I said, forcing my voice to be calm, and failing. "I'm fine, I'm really fine. Everything's fine -"

When his arms closed around me, I didn't push him away. I just let out a dry sob and hid my face against his chest. There, close to him, taking in his familiar scent and the warmth of his body, I relaxed for the first time in weeks.

"Hey," he said, running his hand up and down my back. "Everything is going to be all right. Just let it out."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm so sorry."

His warm breath tickled my face. "You don't have to be sorry."

"But I am. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I can't be with you. I'm so sorry for everything." I clutched at his jacket. "I just wish things didn't have to be this way."

He let me go and brought his hands to my face, wiping away a tear. "They don't have to be this way. Sage, you live only once. Enjoy it. Please don't throw your life away like that. Don't just sell your soul to the Alchemists…"

I smiled, but without humor. "I didn't sell anything – it's not like I got something back for it."

The corners of his mouth turned up. He dropped his hands to my shoulders, down my arms, until he held my hands. "Sydney, I love you."

I looked into his green eyes and felt the familiar butterflies in my stomach. "I know."

"And you love me back."

"I know."

"Can't we at least try?" He rested his forehead against mine. Even with my heels on, I was a lot shorter than he was, but the stance felt natural. Everything felt natural around Adrian.

I tilted my head, bringing my lips closer to his, before I stiffened. "The Alchemists."

"They don't have to find out," he whispered. "We can keep it a secret. No one will have to know. It'll just be you and me. We'll find a way to make this work…"

I tried to think of reasons why I shouldn't do this, but everything seemed so insignificant right now. The Court, the Alchemists, Re-education Centers; none of it held any importance when Adrian pressed his lips to mine.

My hands moved on their own accord, reaching up to his hair, burying themselves in it. Adrian pressed me closer to him. My heart was racing and my lips felt like they were on fire. Everywhere he touched me, he left a trail of tingles.

After a small eternity, he released me, breathing heavily.

"That was even better than I remembered," he said. smudges of my pink lipstick around his mouth.. "Wow."

That word captured my feelings exactly. The light of the rising sun cast a warm, orange glow over Adrian's face, bringing out his handsome features. His smile was so broad it didn't quite conceal his fangs, but that didn't frighten me.

"I must be crazy," I said.

"If you're crazy, what does that make me?" He leaned down and kissed me again.

In between kisses, I said, "We might be crazy together."

"That sounds like a good plan."

I didn't think I could ever grow tired of kissing him. A thousand kisses wouldn't be enough to satiate my thirst for them. As I pressed my body against his, I knew that this was worth all the risk. Adrian was right; we'd make this work.

We had to.


End file.
